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5 Things You Should Never Say to Your LGBTQ Friend

By Gaurav Sharma

Updated - June 12, 2020 4 min read

It’s the 21st century and there’s a pretty good chance that you already have one “rainbow sheep” in your friend circle. They love and trust you and that’s the reason why they came out to you. As a friend and an ally, it’s your job to ensure you don’t accidentally say something offensive or hurtful. We’re not saying you’ll do it on purpose -- but there are times when you don’t even realize what you’re saying might hurt your friend. And to not let that happen it is good to understand a number of the foremost common mistakes people make in a conversation with LGBTQ friends.


Once you’re aware of things that you should never say to your queer pal, it becomes much easier to be a supportive friend. Here are 5 things you should never ever say to your LGBTQ friend, not just only this Pride Month but also all year long if you love and support them!


Image Courtesy - Pexels


"Who Is The Man In This Relationship?"

You’ve missed the point—there isn’t one. Part of being in a same-sex relationship means being attracted to a person of the same sex. Man to a man or a woman to a woman or to both. If you’re trying to ask who’s the masculine or feminine one within the relationship, or who pays the bills, holds open the door, cooks dinner, or cries at movies… I have two things to say to you: One, it’s time to update your worldview, buddy!, and two: both the partners (as it should be!).


"Would You Like To Meet A Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Friend Of Mine?"


This is very kind of you, I know that your intention here is good: You think because two people have the same sexual orientation, they should meet because your assumption is that they’d have a lot in common (apart from the fact that they like people of the same sex). But same-sex relationships work the same way that heterosexual relationships do! Gay people don’t automatically like each other. Just like straight people don’t automatically like straight people. For gays, it is the same as any other relationship or dating situation. There needs to be compatibility and more in common than the fact that both people happen to be attracted to same-sex people!



"When Did You Realise That You’re Gay Or Decide To Become One?"


Did you decide to be straight, then, by that logic? When did you make this life-altering decision? At birth? In your teens? After stepping into adulthood? No, right? And the same holds true for LGBTQ people. It’s not like they got a letter one fine day saying ‘Congratulations, your application to become gay has been approved’. The path can vary for every person, but in the end, people just know. Same as straight people, LGBTQ folks are born to be who they are!

"How Do You Do It Or Who Does It To Who?"

First up, why do you care about that so much? It’s really none of your business, you know. Before you ask this question, ask yourself, would you ask a straight friend the intimate details of their sex life like this? If the answer is no, but you still can’t stop thinking about “how things work”, allow me to introduce you to my very good friend, Google, the helper of all, the saviour of many. The Internet is bursting with information you can easily access to educate yourself, and even find partners to experiment with, if you’re so inclined! On a serious note, though, if you’re genuinely curious, and not trying to take a cheap shot at the expense of your gay friend, I do recommend XYZ and ABC because you’ll be surprised by the number of fringe/hate websites on the topic!


"Do You Like Dressing Like A Woman?"

The answer to this is NO! Not all men like dressing as women ( though some may). The belief that all gay men have characteristics perceived as feminine is false and based on stereotypes and prejudice. Being gay is a sexual orientation. They are more inclined to like and love others of the same sex, as the one determined for them at birth. They aren't interested in dressing as women. A crossdresser, on the other hand, has a strong urge to dress up as a woman, while retaining his sex, as determined at birth. 

Happy Pride Month! & the rest of the year!

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