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Looking For Your Dream Girl? Watch Out For These Signs To Know If She Is A Nightmare Instead

By Somdutta Mazumder

Updated - Oct. 25, 2019 11 min read

How many times have you offered a listening ear to your friend who was beyond frustrated with his girlfriend's clingy behaviour? How many times have you wondered to yourself why anybody would be willing to put up with that? And lastly, how many times have you walked out of your friend's room, shaking your head and promising yourself that you will never be him? 

 

Now, if the roles were reversed and you were at the receiving end of such behaviour by someone you adore, do you think you would be able to walk away from it all? Think again. Problematic behaviour might be easy to spot when you are looking at it from a distance, but when you are the one experiencing it, it's an entirely different ball game. For starters, a lot of such behaviour is largely normalised, for the main course, there is an inherent subtlety attached to female emotional abuse and for dessert, love is blind.

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The last phrase may be as common as dirt, but it has perpetuated through ages due to the credibility of the notion. In fact, studies have shown that the emotions and feelings associated with love often end up suppressing brain activity that controls critical thought. In other words, as Bob Dylan said, you can't be wise and in love at the same time. 

 

However, the objective of this guide is to equip you with wisdom before even reaching the point of love. If you pay close attention to certain alarming signs while you are on the lookout for your dream girl, it is possible to avert the disaster that awaits. If you come across the following modern dating red flags, stop, drop and roll away from that person as soon as you can. 

 

1. Self-Endorsed Affinity For Drama 

Drama is something most people tend to find unpleasant unless they are debating a Netflix show to watch. Is it possible to avoid altogether in the normal course of life? Definitely not. Does that mean you should start thriving in it? Eh, no. There are certain girls who are particularly invested in the notion of being a "drama queen" and choose to revel in the role. If everything is going well, and life is largely peaceful, a self-proclaimed "drama queen" will begin to feel agitated at the lack of turmoil and do anything to stir up controversy. Such a girl may seem immensely attractive in the beginning due to her natural outgoing personality, but soon you will be a miserable victim of her constant need for theatrics. Think constant exaggerations, unsettling mood swings, impulsive behaviour and attempts to be the centre of attention. Sounds tiring, right?

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2. Persistently Extreme Over-Reactions

You forgot to text her after you got free from work? Guess who is suddenly being supposedly dumped? Also, guess who will spend the next two hours mollycoddling her? Yes, you! Everything you say to her is blown out of proportion and you constantly feel like you are walking on eggshells when you are around her. You are apprehensive of communicating your true feelings because you can never predict the reaction it will derive. If this hits way too close to home, take this as a definite sign and walk away as soon as you can. 

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3. Princess Syndrome 

She is the kind of girl who has taken the song "I am a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world'' way too literally. She views herself as a pampered princess and expects everybody to treat her in the exact same manner. In fact, this behavioural problem is so common that it has earned the status of a psychological disorder in China and Korea. Seriously, no kidding! If you are dating someone who is seemingly afflicted by this condition, it is time to take a step back and logically weigh in on things. Do you really want to end up spending a considerable amount of your precious time helping a "princess" keep her figurative crown steady? Do you really want to be with someone who considers everybody responsible for feeding into her warped sense of self-importance? Lastly, do you really want to be spoiling and pampering and indulging someone who feels entitled to world-class treatment, all the freaking time? Yeah, didn't think so. 

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4. Constant Need For Validation 

It can be kind of cute and endearing when a girl occasionally tries to indirectly fish for compliments. But imagine if this was the constant state of things. It would get real tiring real quick. There are some girls who get into a relationship for the sole purpose of validating their existence. They are on a never-ending quest to obtain approval and assurance. The fact is, this red flag can just as damaging for you as it can be for her. A constant need for validation is mostly indicative of deep-rooted self-esteem issues. The girl may try to compensate for these issues by extracting your praise and admiration. 

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5. Recent Exit From A Long-Term Relationship 

She just went through a break-up and is clearly not taking it well. She is miles away from being over her ex but still wants to see where things go with you. If this sounds like the situation you are in, you should be extremely cautious about your next steps. You are either on your way to being a rebound, someone she may unhealthily channel her feelings for her ex towards. This is a sign of impending doom as sooner or later you will be apologising for her ex-boyfriend's shortcomings along with yours. The second possibility is that she is using you as a coping mechanism, distraction or time-pass, none of which sound very appealing. 

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6. Perpetual Arguing

A disagreement or argument every now and then can be healthy for a romantic relationship. It re-iterates the point that regardless of how strong your feelings towards your girl are, you are still two distinct individuals who don't share the exact same ideas or perceptions. However, there are some people who argue just because they think its fun. Such a girl will leave no stone unturned to debate with you over anything and everything. Although occasionally, you might humour her and put forward your own arguments, if there is a need for you to defend yourself for your tastes, choices, decisions and relationships, around the clock, it is time to walk away. 

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7. Over-Possessiveness

Does this one even warrant an explanation? Most of us are all too familiar with dating people who treat us less like their partner and more like their favourite teddy bear. If the girl you are seeing starts gets unnecessarily and prematurely possessive of you, you may want to think this through thoroughly. Sure, everybody feels insecure every now and then and someone being territorial over you may even be weirdly cute sometimes. But if she gets extremely worried at the thought of you spending time with your platonic friends especially of the opposite sex, wants a detailed ledger entry on your every move and step, has zero regard for your personal boundaries and expends considerable energy on interfering in your life decisions and choices, it may be the opportune moment to start looking for a quick escape before she makes it impossible to leave. 

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8. Tendency To Ice You Out 

We are all dating as adults. The least one can expect from a functional grown-up romantic relationship is proper communication. Or at the very least, the effort to communicate honestly. However, the age-old tactic of giving someone the silent treatment has perpetuated through generations and continues to be a strategy still employed by some people. If in the face of a fight or an argument, your girl suddenly assumes the avatar of an ice-princess, blatantly ignores you and refuses to acknowledge that you exist, it is indicative of underlying hostility and can have a detrimental effect on you. 

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9. Unwillingness To Accommodate Or Compromise 

The simplest way to explain this point is to say that it's either her way or the highway, eternally. She calls the shots, and if you so much as dare to question her decisions, all hell will break loose. She does not care whether there is excessive traffic on the road, your car broke down or your corpse is lying in the middle of the street, if you told her you will see her at 7 PM, you better get reincarnated by 6, and make it in time. There is zero room for flexibility with a person like this, and you are proferred with the illusion of choice, but you don't really have a say in anything she decides. Yeah, taking things any further with her maybe a terrible idea, to say the least. 

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10. Urgency To Be Exclusive 

By the end of the first date, she has told you that she thinks things would really work out between the two of you. By the end of the second date, she has confessed her love for you. By the third, she expects to move in and be introduced to your family. Yeah, run from this brand of crazy as far as you can. Girls who like moving faster than the speed of light and are in a great hurry to make things exclusive or put a formal label on your relationship, are not exactly interested in having you as a boyfriend but the idea of having a boyfriend in itself. Also, be mindful of one thing, the downfall of such a relationship is only likely to be just as fast as the uprising. After all, if you end up humouring her and getting into a relationship too soon, you both don't really have a solid understanding of each other as people. 

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11. Endless Victim Mentality 

For this person, life is a never-ending battle and everybody is out to get her. For everything she does, she will somehow, anyhow, find someone else to blame. Her favourite thing to do is wallow in self-pity and ponder over the utter cruelty inflicted on her by everybody else. There is no end to her victim mentality and she is complacent with moving through life while holding on to this self-image. Granted, it is possible for some people to have it way worse than others. However, it is also statistically impossible for everybody in their life to be a culprit. She is definitely not giving you the full story, and you should run before you end up in her list of terrible people. 

Image Courtesy - Giphy

 

12. Conflict With The People In Your Life 

I don't even need to say much here. If the girl you are interested in does not get along with anybody in your life, including your friends, family and acquaintances, there has to be something you are missing. If she fails to be in harmony with a few people, that is still understandable. You can't exactly expect someone to be compatible with everybody that you get along with. However, if the entire lot of them can't stand her, it is a possibility that she is extremely unpleasant and you just happen to be blinded by your emotions. 

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13. Passive Aggression Or Casual Violence

Passive-aggressive behaviours are those that aren't directly hostile or aggressive but instead fall in line with indirect tactics of expressing contempt or anger. A person indulging in passive-aggression wants to avoid direct confrontation but definitely wants you to know that you have managed to annoy them. They may choose to opt for the silent treatment (see point 8), subtle insults, degrading sarcasm or just sullen, petulant behaviour. Whatever the mannerism might be, it is extremely unpleasant to be around someone who is constantly passive-aggressive. Lastly, if a girl casually or seriously hits you, physically assaults you or inflicts any sort of violence or touching you have not consented to, contact authorities and let them deal with her. Such behaviour is not okay and must not be normalised, regardless of the recipient's gender. 

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And so we have reached the end of this guide on modern dating red flags for a man. Congratulations, if you made it thus far. It means you are on the homestretch of finding a stable, healthy romantic relationship. We'd advise you to develop a thorough understanding of these signs of danger and prepare yourself to spot one when it comes your way. Happy dating!

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